A poem a day for 2013 - day 4 - A note to self

Dear Jaha
You will not get it all done
You won't
There will be days the thought of laundry
In the corner of the room will
Hammer your skull like devil
Like death
You will want to die 

The anxiety will boil the iron and
Needles in your veins 
You will want to race nose first 
Into the fastest largest truck

But you will not

You will survive those days
You will breathe and you will know
That the boiling has nothing to do 
With the laundry undone in the corner
Of the room

You will see yourself in the moments after
The hours beyond the episodes
That will not be bigger than you

It's not the laundry
It's never the laundry
Or the dishes or the guy in the movies 
Eating popcorn too loudly

You already know

But in the moments
Those moments
When the heavy is the weight of sun
When the earth quakes and finds you to dump 
Its brickiest brick
Then you will forget 
That you are bigger than all of this
Even this

You will smile at your reflection in the mirror
You will keep smiling until you almost mean it
Almost will be good enough

You will always get past it
A prayer will appear
Or a puppy a song a ribbon a rainbow
God will show her face and remind you to remember

You cannot control the weather
You just cannot
But the rain will announce himself
He always does if you listen
Listen, Jaha
Listen

You will not get it all done
You won't 
And you will survive
It all