I choose

2:45pm. At work. I woke up this morning with a desire to move my body. Not just for my body, but for my head. I thought about last year and the emotional up up up up down down down down roller coaster trip I experienced throughout it. I was on meds for a while and I'm not now and don't really intend to go back to them. I also believe in my heart that I will not survive another year like I had last year. Something has to shift. I'm going to try to keep up a regular exercise program and walking has always had a way of clearing my head. So walking it is.

I live about five miles from my mother so this morning I set out walking and found myself headed to her house. I made it in and hour and fifteen minutes time. My sister offered me a ride home but I felt strong enough to make it back, so I declined and headed back home. I tried to pick up my pace because I was on a time deadline to get to work on time. I made it back in the same time it took me to get there, an hour and fifteen or so minutes. Yes, going back was a little harder.

It is not my intention to walk ten miles every day but I know I have to do something. I don't usually make new years resolutions but this year I am determined to have a much better handle on my emotional manic lows. Whatever bio chemical thing is going on inside of me is just going to have to even out. I won't be its slave. Bursting in uncontrollable fits of tears and sadness because it raises its head. Also, I won't beat myself up when or if I do have them. This may take time. But this is on notice. It will not control me. This thing called bipolar does not own me.

I am looking forward to many happy days and days of me working through emotional hic ups that may come. I am thankful for the dynamic team and support I have around me. This will take prayer, work, talk, quiet, company, alone time, writing, art, love, family, therapy, love and more love, friends, this will take everything. And I'm up for it.

Enjoy your day and your new year.