Mother's birthday

Wednesday, November 21, 2018 4:09pm. Long Beach.

It's my mother's birthday today. Her party was a week ago but her actual birthday is today. She wants to go to a bar tonight because she's never been. It's should be fun.

I'm fighting this dark cloud. Fighting it hard too.

Uraeus is still at the Airbnb because his dad can't get him until 5. Hopefully he's gone before Curtis gets home.

I'm feeling a little down right now but I'm praying the feeling will go away. I'm going to take a quick nap and hope I'm OK after that.

Love yourselves.

Room

Thank God for friends who offer free room so I can save my money and putvit towards Uraeus's room for rent at the beginning of the month.

Money. Rent.

Oh some good news. I have more in the account than I thought. I have enough for about four days if I can't find somewhere free to stay. So that's good.

Uraeus is checking into rooms for rent. I'll have some money when I get back from Atlanta December 2 and hopefully we can move in somewhere. We are going to start looking after Thanksgiving. I told him I would pay half the rent until he could do it on his own. Prayfully that won't take too long.

OK for real this time...

Love yourselves.

Lala. Good day. Hair cut.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018 5:54pm. Long Beach.

I'm sitting outside of my sister's house waiting until 7:00. Lala, a friend who lives not too far away is going to cut my hair. And boy do I need it cut!

Today was a pretty good day. It takes work in the morning for me to get centered in my meditation. I go through so many stages. I'm thankful. I'm angry. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm fighting depression. I end on a good note though. Then it's work staying on that note. So many things to remind me that my life is shit right now. But it's not. I'm just going through a phase. I'm not the first to go through this. All things considered it's been pretty good. Uraeus and I have been inside every night. We eat every night. And that's what I measure a good day by.

I'm so looking forward to getting my hair cut. I'm also thankful that she is going to do it for free. I have some good friends.

It's getting cold now so I have to make a trip to the storage unit because that's where all of my sweaters and warm clothes are. Today I'm wearing the same thing I had on last night at class. A summer jumpsuit with thin straps. It would be OK if I had a sweater to go over it. When I was packing though I was just trying to get everything out of there. All the bags in storage look alike and there are plenty of them. I don't know when I'm going to have time but I'm going to have to go.

There is a $65 cleaning fee at the Airbnb but Curtis said he would take that off if we wanted to do the cleaning ourselves. To which we said yes. I don't like that the regular cleaning person won't get paid this week but I need that $65. So we have to get up early and start cleaning so we can get to the storage and get back down to Long Beach for my mother's birthday. We will probably go eat somewhere.

Maybe I'll post more when I get back to Inglewood but I'm pretty much out of things I want to say now.

Love yourselves.

Pray

Please pray because I'm really on the verge of breaking down.

Rams. Airbnb.

Monday, November 19, 2018 9:13pm. Inglewood.

I had class tonight at USC. There was a Rams game at the stadium nearby so traffic was crazy. Parking around USC was $100. You read that right. My normal spot wasn't available so I had to walk a bit over to campus. We had a good class tonight though. One of the women in the class is writing a book on suicide letters and it is so triggering for me. I try to keep my comments about her book and not make them personal but it is hard. I want to cry sometimes.

Wednesday is my mother's actual birthday even though we had her party days ago. So tomorrow will be our last night here at the Airbnb. It's been really nice here. We're going to spend Wednesday with my mother. Uraeus's dad is picking him up on Thursday for Thanksgiving and my mom and I will be in San Diego with Genevieve and her family. Friday I'm going to have to find a place for us to stay. Right now I have no money and I'm running out of hope. I'm praying some will come. Money and hope. I keep being blessed but this life is...well...challenging. I really don't want to talk about it with anyone. I definitely don't want anyone telling me what I should be doing. I for sure don't want anyone telling me what they would be doing if they were me because honestly no one knows what they would do if they were me. I guess I'm just at I don't want to hear it. If you're not offering to make this situation easier please keep advice to yourself.

I just took my meds so I'm going to turn in early. I have too much to figure out and I want to be sleeping instead. Good night everyone.

Love yourselves.

Park. Rooster. Birds.

Sunday, November 18, 2018 3:38pm. Inglewood.

Hello all. I did go to the park yesterday and took some pictures. I also took some pictures of the backyard. I've been resting most of the day. I just got up about 1. In a little while Uraeus and I will go and get some more food and then come back and relax some more. I can't express enough how much I needed this time to gather my thoughts, get my plan together, rest, think, take pictures, do nothing. I'm so thankful for it.

I can't believe the year is almost over. But it is. January took forever to end and now we're already almost at Thanksgiving.

I forgot to mention that the next door neighbor has a rooster that sounds off every morning at about 3 and then again about 6. I don't mind. It's actually beautiful. There are so many birds chirping all day and almost everyone around here has a garden with lovely flowers. This is such a gift.

We are headed to get some food now.

Love yourselves.

Good sleep. Good space.

Saturday, November 17, 2018 2:18pm. Inglewood.

I slept so well last night. Uraeus has his own room here and I've only seen him twice. He's playing his game and watching TV. I needed this rest so much. Soooo much. It's not over because I plan to lie down again before the night falls. I might go to the park down the street and take some pictures. I might also take some pictures of the background too. It's so beautiful here. I'm so blessed. We will be here until Thanksgiving.

Also, in not so good news, the filling fell out of my mouth. It's in the top in the back. It doesn't hurt, just feels weird. I'll call the dentist next week to make an appointment to see her.

Not much to report on this entry. Until later.

Love yourselves.

New space. Happy. Nap.

Friday, November 16, 2018 3:08pm. Inglewood

We checked into the Airbnb at noon today. It's beautiful and Uraeus really likes it. I think what he likes most is that he gets his own room. I'm happy. Despite my circumstances I know that I am really blessed. God came through again last night. A friend sent me some money and the refund for the room in Beverly Hills came through at the same time. So we got a little food last night and we will go shopping again tonight. I am thankful.

I just had the best nap. I needed it too. I trust Uraeus is relaxing in his room. Now that I have napped I'm looking to be called for work. I was hoping to be working every day this week. Prayerfully someone will call. I have to push my books too. It's almost time for royalty checks and I'm trying to get a big one.

I haven't taken many pictures in a while maybe I'll go for a walk and get some shots of the neighborhood. Take care

Love yourselves.

Uraeus. Job. Meds later.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today but I cancelled it. I chose to take Uraeus to his interview instead. Besides I just wasn't feeling seeing him. I'm still dealing with John's death and my own situation. I don't need a refill in meds and I didn't have anything I wanted to talk to him about. I'll see him next month.

Provider. Pay later. Dietra's.

God keeps showing up as Provider. The owner of the Airbnb where we will be staying starting tomorrow said I could pay him in December. That's perfect because I have a gig in Atlanta at the end of November. God is good. We will be at Dietra's again tonight. I am thankful.

Also, Uraeus's job interview went really well.

Keep us in your prayers.

Love yourselves.

Memory of John

My Uncle John passed away yesterday. My favorite memory of him was when I was in junior high school and he called me at the beginning of the week to ask if I wanted to go to dinner with him. I said yes. He said "You see how I'm calling you on Monday for Friday? If a man is not doing that for you then he doesn't deserve you." When he showed up he said "You see how I showed up at the time I said I would? If a man is not doing that for you then he doesn't deserve you." He gave lessons like that throughout the night. I miss him. Fly, Uncle John. Fly.