*a poem under construction WomanPreach 2/10 Say it

From pulpits and pews
We chocolate of many hues
Use voice as tool
Dig through dirt
Through muck and mire
Find truth like gold

Girls turned women
We soldiers
We warriors

Evening

5:19pm. Home. This day has gone by so fast. I was supposed to have a call with my therapist. I don't know what happened. Hope everything is ok. I was looking forward to talking to her today. I am well. This morning I mailed off a painting. I also sold a painting. I will deliver it tonight. Also mailed off a book and Uraeus's taxes. I took him to work and rushed home for my call that didn't happen. I posted my art on Fb / IG like I usually do on Mondays. It takes the whole day usually. I started at midnight this time though. I broke my rule. I close shop from midnight to 4am. I only worked until 1 so it wasn't that bad. Still, I want to honor my rest time. A few days ago a made a goal list. Ten goals. I look at it everyday since I made it to see if I have done at least one thing to get closer to achieving those goals. Everyday I have. I am appreciating the distance I have gone with the baby steps I have taken. I did a Zoom show yesterday that went really well. Got paid for it too. I love doing shows and getting and not leaving home. I have an interview on Instagram tonight at 8. It's 5:26 now. I'm going to try to take a quick nap before then. I have to rush out of here soon after the interview is over to pick Uraeus up from work. I hope you are well.

Gratitude

I am thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful for peace and ease
For Uraeus
My family
Friends
I am thankful for space
For quiet time
For art
Poetry
My community
I am thankful for art sales
For this blog
For laughter
V. Kali
For Criminal Minds
Cable
Car
Gas
I am thankful for money
For home
Enough food
Water
Good thoughts
Good conversations
For tearing down bridges
For building new bridges
For love
Grace
I am thankful for work

Sunday Stories (17)

In December of last year I moved into a new place. This landing was going to be a beginning to a new path. I had time. Time and space to breathe and exhale from the 2019 I had. I was on a mission. My first and main step was getting my credit together. I didn't have the money to pay a company to do that for me. The way I figured, the money going to them could go to my creditors.

The first step I took was to see where my extra money was going. I wasn't much of a shopper. It wasn't clothes. My idea of entertainment is going to poetry readings and an occasional movie. So it wasn't that. Where was it going? I was earning X each month. My bills were Y and at the end of each month I had Z and while XYZ makes sense alphabetically, my finances didn't make sense. It was food and alcohol. Wine was pretty much a staple in my home and I ate out a lot. A restaurant here, a drive-thru there, Starbucks, pizza, Chinese food, Thai. So I cut it out. All of it. That money could go to the creditors who were calling.

I have never been much of a cook. It was never exciting or therapeutic for me. I had friends who loved to cook. They thought about it all day. In the morning they knew what they were going to cook for dinner. Shopped for sides. Took pictures of their creations. Exchanged recipes with their other friends. The whole nine. That wasn't me. But I had to do something. I told my sister that I had been thinking about using a crockpot. She had an extra one and gifted me my first one.

That thing sat on my counter for about a week and then finally I was like, hey, let's do this. So I bought a bunch of vegetables and seasonings, came home and turned on some Gregory Porter and started cutting. And more cutting. And cayenne pepper here, basil there, and everything else in my bag too. And it was fun for me. The next morning my apartment smelled like a cook who knew what they were doing lived there. That was the first thing my son said when he woke up. How good it smelled. And it didn't just smell good. It was good. It was really, really good. I thought about all those mornings I used to stop at Sprouts and Whole Foods and spend $6 and $10 on soup. I love soup. No more. I had a pot of soup at home. But I had so much fun making it I put the soup I had in containers and put them in the freezer so I could make more. More Gregory Porter, some Anita Baker, Sade, some Law & Order episodes and I was in a good grove. Cutting and chopping and sprinkling and tasting. I had found a new thing.

My days of eating out were over. I had pulled my credit report and went down the list. I still didn't have a lot of money but I figured if I could spend $20 on a pizza I could send that to Company A. Before I knew it I had paid them off. Alcohol was the next thing to go. If you know me you know I love merlot. I had to say goodbye. I had stopped taking my meds back in June and needed something for my nerves. Before I would have a glass of wine at night (ok, more than one glass) but I wasn't spending money on bottles anymore. I started researching what kinds of herbal teas I could use that would be good for me. And they were. I was sleeping better. I was eating soup. My wine money went to Company B. Then I cut out all snacks and put that money toward repairing my credit. I was dog on a bone about looking for places I was spending money that could go to some old bill. I stopped driving all the way to Sprouts when there was a neighborhood store I could walk to. So I did that, I walked to the store everyday. And it was peaceful. And I looked forward to it. I started thinking about what spices I was going to buy. Maybe I would add smoked turkey. Maybe chicken. Whatever. I was having fun.

In January I got a notice from Experian that my score had gone up. I was excited. The end of February I got another notice. And I got another. So far my score has gone up thirty-three points. Heeey! I was very happy. But something else was going on. I felt different. My body was changing. I posted that I was willing to trade a painting for a scale. Because well, I had more art than money. I was gifted a scale and I couldn't get on it quick enough. I lost fourteen pounds! Then I lost a few more pounds. Then more. So far I have lost twenty-two pounds! But I wasn't on a weight loss mission. I was on a repair credit mission. I won twice.

I'm still taking baby steps. My credit isn't where I want it to be and neither is my weight. But I feel good. Feel like I can run on. Feel like these baby steps are gonna get me somewhere after all. My mental health is better without the sugar and alcohol and other snacks. My body is better. My credit is better. I love my new soup making normal. I love walking to the store. I don't go everyday anymore but I go often and I still walk there and I love that I have gotten to know some workers at the store. I'm gonna keep steppin'. I hope you're moving too.

Afternoon

12:32pm. Home. I've been up since about 5 this morning. I'm working on something I don't want to tell you about yet. Soon though. I'm feeling good. I have no plans to leave the apartment today. I don't even think I'm going for my walk. I've already eaten what I'm going to eat. I'll probably have a meal tonight. I haven't been snacking much. I thought I was supposed to check in to my Zoom show at 12:30 but the message said the host wouldn't be there until 1:00 which is cool with me because I could use a little nap. I hope you are well. I hope you are taking care of yourselves and the ones you love.

Gratitude

I am thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful for Uraeus
For the Zoom show in a few hours
I am thankful for good rest last night
For peace in my head today
I am thankful for love
For my friends
Family
For all of my blessings

Evening

6:37pm. Home. Today is my last class of the writing workshop I am taking. It was a great blessing and I am going to continue working on my project. I am glad I invested in this class. Glad I did the work. Michael Datcher is a great teacher and writer. I think he is creating a one on one course for students who wish to continue. I do for sure. Having accountability partners has kept me going with the project. I have started this project many times and have stopped each time. I feel encouraged this time to go on. I leave in about twenty minutes to pick Uraeus up from work. I have lost twenty-two pounds so far during COVID-19! I am super happy about that. I want to get under two hundred pounds. Gonna jump off now to finish cleaning. Love yourselves.

Gratitude

I am thankful for waking up this morning
I am thankful for a good rest last night
For peace and ease
For love and grace
I am thankful for losing more weight
For Uraeus
Family
Friends
I am thankful for my writing class
For art
Words
I am thankful for my journey
Thankful that I can hear God's voice guiding me
Leading me
I am thankful for all of my blessings
For my home
For comfort
For growth
Patience
Kindness
Joy
I am thankful for conversations with Uraeus

Coming down!

I lost another 3 pounds! That's 22 pounds lost so far! At the beginning of COVID-19 I was 261. Then 248. Then 242. Now 239!

Shooting shots

At the post office.
Postal worker: Ok sir, is there anything else I can help you with?
Sir: (looks around) Well, I sure am lonely.
Postal worker and women in line:

Night

10:53pm. Home. Just getting in from picking Uraeus up from work. I had a good day today. Mailed Folami's painting and Lyvonne's book. Picked up groceries for Penelope and had some really good conversations. Made some money and got some exercise. I feel so much peace right now. I have some work to do before class tomorrow. Maybe it will get done tonight and maybe it won't. I hope you are well. I hope you are loving yourselves and loving your lives.

Gratitude

I am thankful for waking up this morning
Thankful for spending time with V
For Uraeus
Thankful for my mother
For my family
Uraeus
Friends
Love
Peace
Thankful for art
Poetry
Ease