Dirty

Because there are rifle and gun and knife days when the wet of a shower is Everest and a forever climb
When covers wrapped rubix cube are a locked cage and I am a zoo animal
Not to be fed or touched or looked at the wrong way or too long
When a cry is more companion than good love

When the easy of anything is too far
When I believe the voices
The ones not my friend
The days I have to remind myself
I cannot fly
That my head will splatter like egg like lie like hate if I jump
Like there are no do overs
Like there is only right now

When the only balm is in my happy place somewhere in my secrets

Hold me then
When you see me falling
When clouds are so low my own name has been carved like splinter from my remember

Help me find simple when the nights are too heavy
When the forgive will not come
When I am hopeless and memories haunt like a horror flick

Massage this madness done spilled down my thighs in between my toes
Back up through my spine

I will find myself again
In the open of some small crack in the morning
I will see clearly
Will lily and rose myself to life again
Just wait for me there
Just love me easy
If you can