Friday, October 26, 2018 1:28pm Los Angeles. Home.
I just got back from getting the truck. My mother got it for me so I had to go down to Long Beach to pick it up. It's a monster so it will hold all of our things. The down side is that I had to leave my car in Long Beach and now I have to drive this big ass Uhaul truck to my appointment with the doctor today at 3. When I get back we will start loading the truck. I thought packing made moving real, pulling up in a big moving truck really makes it real. The other down side is that I have to have the truck back in Long Beach by 10am because it's already booked so that gives us one day to do all of this. And I have this feature in Encino at 2pm so I'll have to be on the road for that. I don't know how I'm getting from the Uhaul place to my mom's house but I guess I'll work that out later. Also we do have a place to go on Monday so that's good. More later, gonna take a quick nap now.
Love yourselves.
Black ass poems. Black ass stories. Black ass art. Black ass life. Black ass love. Black ass hate. Black ass parenting. Black ass depression. Black ass mania. And other stuff too.
Friday, October 26, 2018
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Labs. Long Beach. Voting.
Thursday, October 25, 2018 6:42pm Los Angeles. Home.
So yes, I got up and went and got my labs done this morning. I've been putting it off long enough. I walked passed my Dr. and said hello to him but he didn't even recognize me. No biggie. We really don't have a relationship. He's kinda, the guy who gives me my meds.
All in all I had an ok day today. Got my labs done. Went to Long Beach to meet up with my mother. We went to vote early today. It was good just spending time with her. Uraeus tackled some of the packing here. There's more to do. I called my landlord to see if we could leave on Monday instead of Friday. He just called back and said yes. That's good. I'm going to take a nap and get some packing in tonight. I'll get a truck tomorrow and take everything down to the storage between tomorrow and Saturday. I also have a show on Saturday at a library in Encino. I booked this show like in January and here we are already in October. I had forgotten about it.
So before I go to sleep I'm going to go find something to eat.
Love yourselves.
So yes, I got up and went and got my labs done this morning. I've been putting it off long enough. I walked passed my Dr. and said hello to him but he didn't even recognize me. No biggie. We really don't have a relationship. He's kinda, the guy who gives me my meds.
All in all I had an ok day today. Got my labs done. Went to Long Beach to meet up with my mother. We went to vote early today. It was good just spending time with her. Uraeus tackled some of the packing here. There's more to do. I called my landlord to see if we could leave on Monday instead of Friday. He just called back and said yes. That's good. I'm going to take a nap and get some packing in tonight. I'll get a truck tomorrow and take everything down to the storage between tomorrow and Saturday. I also have a show on Saturday at a library in Encino. I booked this show like in January and here we are already in October. I had forgotten about it.
So before I go to sleep I'm going to go find something to eat.
Love yourselves.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Down. Clutter. Enough for now.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018 8:14pm Los Angeles. Home.
Today I was feeling kinda down and so I didn't do one thing. Not one damn thing. I didn't even start packing my books until about twenty minutes ago. I just felt crippled. I am determined though to not get all the way down. Not down to the ground down. Not so down I can't get myself up. God does all the lifting though. I just accept it and keep pulling.
Clutter is a huge trigger for me and that's what I'm in right now. A mound of clutter. This pile is set to go to storage, this pile to the trash, this pile I'm gonna sit outside by the tree and hope someone claims it. Piles and piles and piles. And I haven't even gotten to the clothes in my closet yet. Haven't cleaned out the fridge, haven't mopped the floors, haven't taken the rug out yet. There is stuff to do and I'm supposed to have it all done by Friday. I don't think that's gonna happen so I'm going to ask for an extinction until Monday. I think he will give it to me. The other part is people have offered to help but the place is so small that more people might just make it worse. This place is going to get cleaned out at a pace Uraeus and I can handle. I think Monday will be fine as long as I don't have any more down days. I can't afford any more of those.
I have enough for the very next moment. That's what I keep saying to myself. I have enough gas for the next moment, enough money to eat, I have enough for the next moment. Thinking too far ahead is what gets me down. Right now I can only think as far as Monday. Then something will show up. It just will. I don't know if I've ever been here before. Not here. Not this here. But I'm here now.
I'm going to get my labs tomorrow. Yes I really am this time. I wish I hadn't waited so long because my doctors appointment is the next day and I have to drive back out there. I need to see him too. I need to tell him what's going on.
I've been sleeping on and off all day and I'm still tired. That's that depression though. That down tired. I'm going to load one more box of books and then turn in.
Love yourselves.
Today I was feeling kinda down and so I didn't do one thing. Not one damn thing. I didn't even start packing my books until about twenty minutes ago. I just felt crippled. I am determined though to not get all the way down. Not down to the ground down. Not so down I can't get myself up. God does all the lifting though. I just accept it and keep pulling.
Clutter is a huge trigger for me and that's what I'm in right now. A mound of clutter. This pile is set to go to storage, this pile to the trash, this pile I'm gonna sit outside by the tree and hope someone claims it. Piles and piles and piles. And I haven't even gotten to the clothes in my closet yet. Haven't cleaned out the fridge, haven't mopped the floors, haven't taken the rug out yet. There is stuff to do and I'm supposed to have it all done by Friday. I don't think that's gonna happen so I'm going to ask for an extinction until Monday. I think he will give it to me. The other part is people have offered to help but the place is so small that more people might just make it worse. This place is going to get cleaned out at a pace Uraeus and I can handle. I think Monday will be fine as long as I don't have any more down days. I can't afford any more of those.
I have enough for the very next moment. That's what I keep saying to myself. I have enough gas for the next moment, enough money to eat, I have enough for the next moment. Thinking too far ahead is what gets me down. Right now I can only think as far as Monday. Then something will show up. It just will. I don't know if I've ever been here before. Not here. Not this here. But I'm here now.
I'm going to get my labs tomorrow. Yes I really am this time. I wish I hadn't waited so long because my doctors appointment is the next day and I have to drive back out there. I need to see him too. I need to tell him what's going on.
I've been sleeping on and off all day and I'm still tired. That's that depression though. That down tired. I'm going to load one more box of books and then turn in.
Love yourselves.
Shmoney! Right on time.
Oh, and my check finally came from the museum. So glad because I thought it was going to come after I moved and that would have been a problem because. Broke. But it came. Right on time.
No labs. Storage. V.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018 12:19am Los Angeles. Home.
First off, nope I didn't go get my labs done today. Thursday is the last day I have before my doctors appointment so I will go then. I know you don't believe me. I barely believe myself. But I'm going Thursday. So there's that.
We got our storage space today. Some place close to where we are now and a pretty decent rate I think. It will also hold all of our stuff. I had planned to move some of our things in there today but it didn't happen either. I'm not moving as fast as I would like to be but I'm moving so that counts. I think it counts. Yeah, it counts. I've organized things to be moved but haven't really moved anything. Well, I made a few trips to the trash can so that's like moving things. I'll do more tomorrow.
I'm just getting home a few minutes ago. I took V to get water then went to drop off a key at my cousin's place then since I was in Inglewood and tired of looking at piles of stuff in my home I called Dietra. Glad she was home. I bought a couple bottles of wine and popcorn and went to watch tv with her. We watched This is Us. Love that show but I never get to watch it. Friendship is priceless. We watched tv, talked, and just got each other for a few hours. I needed that and maybe she did too. Thank God for friends.
I don't have much else today except I hope everyone gets some good rest and enjoys your day.
Love yourselves.
Oh, I talked to Therman and that was good. He might come down for my mother's birthday party on the 11th. Same day as Red Stories by the way. But her party starts at 3 and Red Stories is at 8. We'll work it out.
First off, nope I didn't go get my labs done today. Thursday is the last day I have before my doctors appointment so I will go then. I know you don't believe me. I barely believe myself. But I'm going Thursday. So there's that.
We got our storage space today. Some place close to where we are now and a pretty decent rate I think. It will also hold all of our stuff. I had planned to move some of our things in there today but it didn't happen either. I'm not moving as fast as I would like to be but I'm moving so that counts. I think it counts. Yeah, it counts. I've organized things to be moved but haven't really moved anything. Well, I made a few trips to the trash can so that's like moving things. I'll do more tomorrow.
I'm just getting home a few minutes ago. I took V to get water then went to drop off a key at my cousin's place then since I was in Inglewood and tired of looking at piles of stuff in my home I called Dietra. Glad she was home. I bought a couple bottles of wine and popcorn and went to watch tv with her. We watched This is Us. Love that show but I never get to watch it. Friendship is priceless. We watched tv, talked, and just got each other for a few hours. I needed that and maybe she did too. Thank God for friends.
I don't have much else today except I hope everyone gets some good rest and enjoys your day.
Love yourselves.
Oh, I talked to Therman and that was good. He might come down for my mother's birthday party on the 11th. Same day as Red Stories by the way. But her party starts at 3 and Red Stories is at 8. We'll work it out.
Monday, October 22, 2018
Nspire. Whatever. Me.
Oh, I took a picture with Nspire tonight and I think I look so ugly in the picture. But, as Sonya Renee Taylor would say, The Body is not an Apology! So I left it up on Facebook and Instagram. Whatever. I'm loving all of me. I might not like all of me, but I'm loving me for sure.
Gratitude
Tonight I give thanks for my life. My whole life. Every single day of it. I am thankful for the journey. I give thanks for my son. For his kind heart, his patience, his wisdom, his joy. I am thankful for my mother. For my sister. My family. My friends. I am thankful for laughter. I am thankful for peace. I am thankful for this ease in my head. For my meds. For clothing and shelter. For water and food. I am thankful for safety. For freedom. I am thankful that I have the spirit of thanksgiving. Thankful for being home. Thankful for all the stuff I have packed up today and the stuff I have left to pack. Thankful for time and energy. Thankful for space. For my health. My mental and spiritual and physical health. Thankful for those praying for me. For doors that will open. Doors I don't even know about. Thankful for good opportunities. For art, poetry, music, dance, photography, all of if. I am thankful.
Packing progress. CLI. Pressing on.
Monday, October 22, 2018 10:59pm Los Angeles. Home.
Tonight was a good night. Today was a good day too but tonight was better. I spent the day packing and that wasn't fun but I did feel like I was getting some work in. I made quite a dent too. Tomorrow Uraeus and I are going to go and get a storage for our things that we want to keep. Mostly it's our clothes, my books and bookcases, microwave, art, stuff like that. I took most of the stuff off of the walls today. I'll do the rest tomorrow as well as empty the bookcases. I gave two of the bookcases to V so we will deliver those tomorrow. I have an early doctors appointment tomorrow. I've been avoiding this appointment for a month now. What am I avoiding? I don't know. It's just lab work. Nothing scary. I just don't want to do it. But I will get up in the morning, if I'm blessed enough to get up in the morning, and carry my self down there.
Tonight was CLI night at USC. Class was great. Penelope is an amazing instructor. I am so honored to be her assistant. She doesn't like the term assistant. She calls me the co teacher but I know my lane. I taught that class for four years and now I am happy to be the assistant. After CLI I went down to Leimert Park to hear some live music and poetry. It was good. Really good. It was packed! I saw Brother Solomon there tonight too. That was a blessing. George was there and we had some good laughs also Nspire and Bridgette and Jessica. I can't name everyone there but it was dope. And free. And the food is good. The food is kinda pricey though. But there is no cover at the door and the vibe is great. I had popcorn. Best popcorn I ever had too. It tasted like chicken! I swear it did!
And so how am I really? Like for real on the inside? Well I'm pressing on but I'm a little scared. Just a little. I am still trusting but it's still a little scary. That's how I am. Then I look at my son and I know I have to keep going for him.
My client's son just sent me the information for the funeral service for his mother. I don't know if I'll go. I might but...I don't know. That's going to be a big funeral I know. She knew everyone at the church and everyone knew her. My mother said she wants to go though. We'll see.
I'm going to turn in tonight. I'm not going to take my meds because they make me sleepy and I don't want to talk myself into not going to my appointment in the morning.
Be good to each other.
Love yourselves.
Tonight was a good night. Today was a good day too but tonight was better. I spent the day packing and that wasn't fun but I did feel like I was getting some work in. I made quite a dent too. Tomorrow Uraeus and I are going to go and get a storage for our things that we want to keep. Mostly it's our clothes, my books and bookcases, microwave, art, stuff like that. I took most of the stuff off of the walls today. I'll do the rest tomorrow as well as empty the bookcases. I gave two of the bookcases to V so we will deliver those tomorrow. I have an early doctors appointment tomorrow. I've been avoiding this appointment for a month now. What am I avoiding? I don't know. It's just lab work. Nothing scary. I just don't want to do it. But I will get up in the morning, if I'm blessed enough to get up in the morning, and carry my self down there.
Tonight was CLI night at USC. Class was great. Penelope is an amazing instructor. I am so honored to be her assistant. She doesn't like the term assistant. She calls me the co teacher but I know my lane. I taught that class for four years and now I am happy to be the assistant. After CLI I went down to Leimert Park to hear some live music and poetry. It was good. Really good. It was packed! I saw Brother Solomon there tonight too. That was a blessing. George was there and we had some good laughs also Nspire and Bridgette and Jessica. I can't name everyone there but it was dope. And free. And the food is good. The food is kinda pricey though. But there is no cover at the door and the vibe is great. I had popcorn. Best popcorn I ever had too. It tasted like chicken! I swear it did!
And so how am I really? Like for real on the inside? Well I'm pressing on but I'm a little scared. Just a little. I am still trusting but it's still a little scary. That's how I am. Then I look at my son and I know I have to keep going for him.
My client's son just sent me the information for the funeral service for his mother. I don't know if I'll go. I might but...I don't know. That's going to be a big funeral I know. She knew everyone at the church and everyone knew her. My mother said she wants to go though. We'll see.
I'm going to turn in tonight. I'm not going to take my meds because they make me sleepy and I don't want to talk myself into not going to my appointment in the morning.
Be good to each other.
Love yourselves.
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