Janice. Song. God.

My aunt Janice just sent me such a beautiful song / testimony. Tamala Mann is singing the song and I think it's called God provides. I totally relate to the lyrics. God does provide. Just in time. There are times I wish God would come through sooner but it's my job to that God is always there. It is my job to trust. I trust and believe.

Granny. Dietra's. San Diego.

 Tuesday, November 13, 2018 Inglewood. Dietra's house.

I'm taking care of Dietra's grandmother this morning because D is not feeling well. I don't go in to work until 4 so I have time. So far I'm just scheduled to work today but I hope that changes because I want to get the money for the Airbnb I want to take Uraeus to. It will be a better place than we have been plus it will be cheaper than any hotel we have stayed in. And I want something really nice for his birthday. The Airbnb will be available to us on the 16th for a week. I'm hoping.

My uncle Therman left this morning haeaded back to Vegas. I miss him already. We always have the best conversations and he and Uraeus are also close.

I take my aunt Bobbie back to San Diego tonight when I get off. That's a lot of driving. We will have a good conversation on the way down there and I'll get some good thinking in on the way back by myself.

Grandma is resting now so I'm going to also.

Love yourselves.

Long Beach. Bakersfield. Prayer request.

8:52pm. Long Beach. Sister's house.

It's been a long weekend. My mom's birthday party on Sunday went well. Then Red Stories that night went really well. I'm happy about both of those things. Michelle surprised me by being there then V surprised me. It was a great crowd. Big Arch was a great feature.

Today my mom and my aunt Bobbie, my uncle Therman and I went to Bakersfield to see the model of the house my mom is going to buy next year. It was my first time seeing it, I loved it.

But back to this year and what's going on right now, Uraeus and I are still hotel hopping. A friend of mine owns an Airbnb and we plan to be there next week but I still have to come up with some more money.  This life is getting tiring but we are surviving.

Tonight we will be at my sister's house because I have to pick up my aunt from her friend's house in Long Beach. I'm taking her to San Diego after I get off work tomorrow night.

I request your prayers. Coming up with hotel money week to week is draining and managing to stay sane and not fall into a depressive episode is miracle. I thank God so much though. Every night we eat. Every night we have shelter. We have each other. We have the love of family and friends. I believe with all my heart that this phase will pass soon. God is faithful.

I have to be up early so I'm going to get some sleep.

Love yourselves.

Move. Hollywood. Plan.

It's been a while since my last entry. When I left off we were moving. We moved. We stayed with my friend Dietra and her son for about a week. Well Uraeus was there for a week I went to Ohio to perform at the installation service of Valerie Bridgeman. It was lovely. I came back and Uraeus and I left the next day for a hotel. We stayed at a place in Hollywood. A nice place thankfully. I had to work every day but I enjoyed the time I was there. I'm being quick here because I lost the power cord to my computer so I am borrowing my mom's right now. We are in Long Beach. After we left Hollywood we went to a place in L.A. near USC. That was a nice place too. God is faithful. Today we are going back to the place in Hollywood until Sunday. My mother's birthday party is Sunday and so is Red Stories. The plan is still to get Uraeus a room for rent by the end of the month. God willing, that will happen. Until then, keep us in your prayers.

Love yourselves.

Gratitude

I give thanks for this day. For packing and throwing things away and loading things in storage. I am thankful to be on this journey with my son. I am thankful for shelter and food and cool drinks. For being almost finished I give thanks. For the workout. For being tired. For having the storage space. I am thankful for my blessings. Thankful for a place to be next week. For good friends. For love. I give thanks for my family. I am thankful for love. Thankful for Uraeus. Thankful for my life.

Photos from today

Leaving apartment. Leaving stuff. Loading car.

Sunday, October 2018, 2018 8:54 Los Angeles. Home(ish).

This will probably be my last post from this apartment. I'll miss it. It was home for about five years. I'm getting sentimental. But that's ok. On to bigger and better adventures. We spent the day packing and we are still packing. I'm trying to meet a 4:00 deadline to give him the key. I haven't told him the time but I'm sure he's expecting to meet me about that time. We only had about two more trips to the storage unit. Uraeus thinks only one but I say a good two. Most of what we have in here not is not going with us. I've been putting things outside by the tree. Most of the rest is going in the trash can outside. I'm going to try to have the car loaded tonight so that at 9:30 in the morning when they open we can immediately unload and come back for another load then throw the big things away like the bed and headboard and desk. I'm leaving the couch and table here. They are too heavy to take out.

My breaks over. Have a good one.

Love yourselves.

Gratitude

I give thanks for my blessed life. For my son. My mother. My family. My friends. I am so thankful for all that God has blessed me with and continues to bless me with. I am thankful for a working vehicle to carry all my stuff in and carry Uraeus and me around in also. I am thankful for food. For money. For wine. I am thankful for the help that Uraeus gives. For art. For poetry. For music. For dance. For creativity. I am thankful for love. For good health. For abundance.

Photos from today

Ntozake Shange. Feature. Old home.

Saturday, October 27, 2018 6:19pm Los Angeles. Home.

One of my favorite writers died today, Ntozake Shange! I love her work. If you don't know her name you probably remember her play For Colored Girls who have considered Suicide when the rainbow is enuf. From what I read she died in her sleep. Bless her. I didn't want to start my entry off with that but I just saw it on Facebook then Googled it hoping it wasn't true. It's true. Ntozake will live forever.

In other poetry news I had my feature today at the Encino-Tarzana library today and I think it went well. There was a nice crowd and the open mic was great. There was also a good presence from The World Stage. It was good to see Pam Ward since I don't get to see her much.

Right now I'm taking a break from loading the car with my stuff. I live upstairs and park in the back of the building. Going up and down those stairs is no joke. My back starts to hurt quickly so I take a small break after each load. I know that's a lot of breaks but you don't know my back!

It's setting in on me that I don't live here anymore but I keep calling this place home. Well hell, until I give him the keys on Monday I do live here and it is home. It's also setting in on me that God is going to continually watch over us. I'm counting all the blessings as joy. My car was in Long Beach last night because I had the Uhaul truck so I couldn't load the car. My friend who lives a few blocks away called me and asked if she could hire me to watch her young daughter while she went out. I agreed because. Every penny counts. That put a full tank of gas in my car. Then Pam gave me a note with some money in it today at the reading and I bought food. And Michelle gave me a bottle of wine today and that is totally God watching out for me because. God knows. I have enough for the next moment. I will keep that prayer and know that I will always have enough for the next moment.

Well, my break is over until the next load. If I sit too long I will call it a night and I'm nowhere near ready to do that. I hope you all have a great day.

Love yourselves.

Gratitude

I am thankful for this day. This beautiful, sunny day. Thankful for Uraeus. For friends and family. I am thankful for the Uhaul truck my mother got for me. Thankful for being able to see my doctor and case worker. For love and shelter. For food and water. For good health. I am thankful I am not depressed. I am thankful I am not in a manic state. I am thankful for all the stuff I have moved today and the stuff I have to move. I am thankful for stuff. For books and art and clothes and shoes and a tv and art supplies and toiletries and all the stuff. I am thankful for energy to move the things. I am thankful for ease in my spirit today. I give thanks for abundance. For knowing better days are coming. For accepting what is and appreciating it for the lesson and blessing it is.

Doctor. Case worker. Public Storage.

I saw my doctor today. As it turns out I wasn't slick in going to get my labs the day before my appointment because they have to be sent out and returned. He said it takes about five days for him to get them back. Well, we will discuss them on my next appointment next month. I told him about my moving situation and he, like I knew he would, suggested I see my case worker. I did. The doctor seemed really concerned which was a little surprising to me. He seems so distant. Not just him, I'm distant with him too. I need to change that. A part of me keeps hoping I'll wake up from this dream and my old doctor will be there again. I miss her.

I saw my case worker but he was busy and couldn't sit down with me as long as he wanted. He told me about some shared living space but I'm not that interested in living with people I don't know from the mental health center. I know how bad that sounds. I really really really do. But still. And because Uraeus is twenty years old he didn't think he could come with me. Nope. I'm interested in finding Uraeus a place and helping him pay for it until he can handle it on his own. I'll be ok. The perfect and divine right spot is out there for him. I know it is.

I just took a break from packing. Uraeus and I went to the Public Storage and dropped off the bookcases I want to keep. I will take the truck back tomorrow. Having the truck made things a lot easier. Now I'm surrounded by piles and piles of books and bags of clothes and art from the walls. Mostly books and clothes though. Just before I sat down to type this entry I was packing the clothes from my closet. My back hurts after too much time standing up. That's from years of lifting my clients. And lifting the wrong way. It's only 7:21 I'll pack some more bags before I go to sleep. Uraeus doesn't think we have that much stuff but once we start going up and down the stairs tomorrow back to back I believe he will change his mind. Or maybe he was saying that he didn't have that much stuff like we are only moving our own things. Nope. This is our rug, our tv. He's not like that anyway. He's always down to help. I love him. He's my favorite human.

In other news, I told you my mother was buying a house right? I'm moving in with her. My aunt is too. Uraeus doesn't want to. He wants his own place. I don't blame him. We won't be ready to move in until late next year anyway so I'm carrying on business as usual but I'm excited about each new step with the house. As long as my mother and Uraeus are happy, I'm happy too.

I believe I'll get back to packing. I hope you all had a good day today. It was lovely here in Los Angeles.

Love yourselves.