Dope.

6:50pm. Home.

I did have a good day. I did. I even skipped Starbucks on the way to work. I did crave something sweet but I am determined to stay away from the evil sugar and caffeine devils. I do believe the reports that they contribute to the swings. The swings, I like that. I was reading some super old entries of mine on the blog and it's funny the different names I have given the episodes of this illness. I didn't know what it was before so I use to call the episodes "the crazies." I think that was back in '09. After that it was "the sinking." That name stuck around a minue then it was "the spiral." After being hospitalized last year and diagnosed as bipolar, now it's just "an episode." Having a name for something makes things a little better. As much as I did not like being in the hospital, I am glad I got some things figured out. I needed to know that I wasn't just...crazy. That these ups and downs I've been coping with since middle school were really real. That make sense?

Anyway, I didn't intend to say any of that. Just wanted to say that I had a good day and that I honor myself for driving right on by the devil (Starbucks). Major confession: I did pull into the devil's big brother's home though...McDonald's. Not one, but two cheeseburgers and a small order of fries. Yes. I did. Judge yourselves.

But...I got up. Showed up for my life and I'm home now. I think I'm gonna head out to a poetry event tonight in about an hour. Go, Jaha! Yep. A while back I read an entry on Bassey's blog. She told stories about her journey living with this thing called bipolar. I like to call it a thing. Anyway, she said that there were days when it was so hard to do everything. I know those days. So on those days, she started giving herself props for everything she did, no matter how small. Like she said, "I brushed my teeth this morning, because I'm dope as fuck!" "I washed the dishes today because I'm dope as fuck!" It may sound strange but I so get it. If you know me or have followed this blog long enough you know I'm a stickler for my home being clean and orderly. Well, I washed the laundry on Sunday and the clothes are still at the foot of my bed. Totally not like me. Not so much today but surely yesterday I was so down I couldn't imagine folding clothes. That I made it to work and skipped the devil was a big deal. I'll fold the clothes now but really...I'm dope as fuck for typing this blog entry.