Reflection

I remember when I thought I was dying
When I thought my sadness was going to kill me
When I called my case worker at the mental health facility
When I cried and told him that nothing mattered and that
I would just find a bridge to jump off of and then I hung up the phone
I remember he never called me back
I wonder if he thinks I am dead
Wonder if he is happy his case load is one black body lighter
Wonder why I wasn't worth a call back
Wonder what he thinks they did with my body

I remember I thought I was in love
I remember I knew it wasn't love
I remember a body next to me was better than no body next to me
I know now that I am the body that matters

I remember when my Aunt Patricia got married
I cried at her wedding
How beautiful she was in her dress
I remember I knew that their love would last
They are still married
He still says I love you
I know that he means it

I remember when I had my son
The long hours of labor
How I never dialated
Remember the nurse telling me I would have to have a c section
Remember when they took his brown body out of my brown body

I don't know why certain memories come to me
I don't know what they mean or how they are related
Maybe it doesn't matter
Maybe they come to remind me that I have a whole life
Where good things happen and bad things happen
Maybe they come to tell me that I happened
That I am here
Creating more memories