Lazy. Michelle's. Prayers.

Sunday, December 16, 2018 8:40pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Today was a lazy day for me. I was in bed mist of the day. And by most of the day I mean MOST of the day. I'm all caught up on any rest I might have been missing. The only work I got done was reaching out to the feature (hopefully) for Red Stories in January.

Thankfully I got a call that next week Uraues and I can check out the place we are planning to rent in January. That was good news. The other good thing that happened was that Michelle made the best banana nut muffins. So good.

Well tomorrow's another day and it's back to work. I'm glad I had today. Oh, I read that Cyntonia Brown has a clemency hearing coming up. Please send your prayers up with me. She had already been in jail for 13 years. And 13 years too long if you ask me.

I hope you got some good rest today also on this lovely Sunday.

Love yourselves.

Penelope. Christmas party. Uraeus.

Saturday, December 15, 2018 11:17pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Uraeus and I are just getting in from Penelope's Christmas party. There were some people from CLI there. It was great to see Charlie and Aubry and a bunch of other folks. I'm so glad Uraeus went with me. They recognized him from photos I post on Facebook and Instagram. Especially good to see Penelope and Charles tonight. Their mother recently passed away so this is their first Christmas without her.

I saw Angela tonight also. I'm sending prayers for her brother who is bipolar and is unmedicated out in the streets. If you are a praying person please send out a prayer for Mark. He could be any of us.

Well I'm going to take my meds and go to bed. I give thanks for all of my blessings, the ones I know about and the ones I don't. I give thanks for Uraeus. For my friends and family. For food and shelter. For Michelle. For peace and ease in my head. I am thankful for sanity. Thankful that with everything going on I am not going through a depressive episode. I'm thankful for so much.

Gonna say good night now.

Love yourselves.

Deon

Friday, December 14, 2018 20:49pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Had dinner and drinks with a friend tonight. I have known him about seven years but this was the first time we had one on one time. I enjoyed myself. Our original plans were to go to the movies but I arrived late, which is not like me by the way. So we settled on food then drinks at another spot after.

I had a good day today. I finally have my meds and I took my sleeping pill so I woke up late. It was a good day to wake up late too. It was nice and gray and looked like it wanted to rain but it didn't.y kind of weather. Also, Michelle's wonderful sister sent us all books and cards and chocolate. How sweet is that?! The book she sent me is a collection of poetry called FASTER THAN LIGHT by an African American woman named Marilyn Nelson. I'm looking forward to exploring the book.

Well enough about my day. I'm going to take my meds and get some rest.

Oh, special note. My cousin, Deon was travlling from Austin, Texas to Portland, Oregon and he made it safely. I'm glad about that. That's a long drive. Prayers answered.

Be great.

Love yourselves.

Michelle's. Irritated. Sex trafficking.

Thursday, December 13, 2018 9:04pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Uraeus and I got back about an hour ago. We had a good day together. We handled some business this morning then had lunch. I had to see the doctor and so he rode with me out there. I saw the missed appointment doctor and she was really nice. We talked briefly about my old doctor. She misses her too. She told me how the Lorazapam I'm taking could harm my memory in the long run and that I should consider going off of it. I don't know when I would do it because I seriously do not sleep well without it. I'm going to try though. She also told me how the other meds effect my weight. So true. I have GOT to exercise more. My weight is getting out of control. This is the heaviest I've been in life and I don't like it.

Speaking of things I don't like. I got hella irritated today. Uraeus was inside the market and I stayed in the car. I was scrolling on Facebook and kept coming across all these posts. One was about a group of white teens throwing stuff over the freeway ramp and onto cars. One of them threw a sandbag over and a 22 year old black man was killed. How much time in jail are the white boys going to do? Not a day! They are going to some kind of center for a short period of time but not jail. Our boys would have gotten life. Then another post where a teen was sentenced to 65 years for a murder he didn't commit. Like, he really didn't. Then another post and another and another all where some injustice has been committed. I was just overwhelmed. It was too much and I'm sick of this shit. It doesn't help that I'm still sick about the case of Cyntonia Brown. I saw today some black folks online talking about how she deserves to be in prison because she killed her rapist while he was sleep. What the fuck?! This girl was the victim of sex trafficking and was sold by a man named Kut Throat to a 43 year old man. She was only 16. 16! She did what she had to do to get free. Being black is amazing. But it is hard and dangerous to live in our bodies on most days. It just is. That's why I'm so big on posting things I'm grateful for. I know that the blessings I have aren't promised to me. I don't take for granted my safety and shelter and sanity.

But enough venting (for now). I've got a lot of emotions going on. I need to just go to bed. I finally have my meds. Thank God. I need to just take these pills and drift off into some perfect dream. Please let it be perfect. Let there be a puppy. Let me be smiling. Let there be green grass and a lake.

So I took a long break from this post because I heard Michelle coming in and I wanted to talk to her. We had a good conversation although I'm afraid I did most of the talking. But that feeling, that irritation, that yuck feeling is gone and I think I can rest. I'm also going to take my meds without taking my sleeping pill tonight. I'm going to try anyway.

My conversation with Michelle shifted my energy in such a mighty way. I am so thankful for her.

Anyway, I'm going to get these pills together and go to sleep. I'm so weak. I am going g to take my sleeping pill after all. I'll start weaning myself off next week. Hell, maybe that will be my new years resolution or something but for now, I need it.

Have a good night, y'all.

Love yourselves.

Work. Good day. Booked.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018 6:13pm. Los Angeles.

I'm at my client's home right now. My favorite client. She's doing well. She has dementia but we still manage to have some pretty cool conversations, as long as I let her pick the topic. She remembers some stories from her childhood and I enjoy listening to them. I'll be here until 11:00 tonight so there will be more stories.

Overall I had a pretty good day today. My shift here will go fast. It usually does. Thankfully I go to pick up my meds tomorrow. My doctor wouldn't call my refill so I have to go see the people you see when you miss an appointment. Whatever, my other doctor would have called it in for me. It's cool though. Not expecting ANYTHING extra from him.

I got booked for a reading today. It's not until the 20th of next month but I was glad to get the call. I really like the producer. The money is not great but I can sell books. It's on the same day as Red Stories. It's ok though because the reading is in the morning at 11:30 and Red Stories is that night. That's also the same day as my nephew's 21st birthday. Lot going on.

OK, let me tend to my client.

Love yourselves.

Ralph's. Rolls. Fiction.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018 6:56pm. Los Angeles.

I'm sitting in the Ralph's Market parking lot. Just got off work and I bought some California rolls for dinner. I'm going to hear and share some poetry tonight at Da Poetry Lounge which is pretty close to me. I'm expecting tonight to be a good night. We have an empty spot in fiction class at CLI so I'd like to do some recruiting if I can.

Have a good night.

Love yourselves.

Cyntonia Brown. Victim. 16.

Cyntonia Brown was a victim of sex trafficking. She was 16 years old and a man was raping her. She got up enough courage to kill him. Now, she has to serve at least 51 years before she can get out of jail. Yes she was a black girl. Did you need to ask? No this would not be the sentence for a white woman or girl. This is living in a body of color.

Michelle's. Sweater weather. Move.

Monday, December 10, 2018 1:40pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

It's a beautiful day. A bit overcast but just how I like it and I can see the snow on the mountains. That good good sweater weather. I got some great news on a place for Uraeus and me to move into. It will be ready on the first. We like that. We are still standing and we still know, no matter the circumstances, we are very blessed. Speaking of blessings, I have my class tonight with CLI and tonight is payday. Yep, more into the savings pot. God is faithful. Well I'm parked in a one hour spot so I'll be leaving very early for class. I'm going to go somewhere I can get some writing in. I haven't written a poem or story in a while. Tonight seems like a good night for it. If I get anywhere on it I'll post it. If not I'll keep working on it until it looks like something I'm proud of.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

Love yourselves.

Family. Bed. Mother.

Sunday, December 9, 2018 6:24pm. Long Beach. Sister's.

Uraeus and I came down to LB yesterday. Been hanging with family. Good times. I love lying in bed with my mother watching Lifetime movies with my mother. I am blessed to still have her.

I want to be writing stories and poetry.  I have to work on more of it. I have been writing writing in some time. Soon though.

I hope you all are having a good day.

Love yourselves.

Stage. Good night. Poetry high.

Thursday, December 6, 2018 12:12am. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

I got in about twenty minutes ago from The World Stage. Tonight, well technically last night, was one of those really good nights at The Stage. Yesterday was Nyasha's birthday and she was featured. She was amazing! She is such a master! As Peter said "This whatn't no regular poetry." Massa was there and sang some Spanish songs with a friend of his. I could go on forever. I'm on such a high right now. A good, natural, poetry high.

Oh, my mother and I went to see Widows Tuesday night. It was so good. It was a Steve McQueen film. Viola Davis was the star. We had a good time. I take any time I can get to bond with my mother.

Also some not good news, my aunt Bettye Davis passed away this week. I was just talking about her with Michelle and Uraeus. She and her children lived in Alaska so the funeral will be out there. Janice is going from our group but I don't know who else. She was really an awesome woman. She was the first black senator in Alaska. She was bold and brave and had this deep voice that I swear could shake walls. She will be missed by many. I interviewed her here in this blog years ago like in 2009. That was back when I was interviewing my family for my blog. I had some good conversations. It was through those conversations that I got closer with my aunt Valerie. I went all the way off my point which was that my aunt passed and she was incredible and will be greatly missed by many.

It's 12:30 now and I'm about to see if I can sleep. Have a good night.

Love yourselves.

CLI. Charlene. Thankful.

Monday, December 3, 2018 10:26pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Just getting in. Tonight was CLI night and after I went down to Long Beach to pick up some mail from my sister's house. I had a pretty good day. I woke up early and saw the beautiful clouds. I got out around 10 to run some errands. Left again headed for class. Penelope couldn't make it tonight so I lead the class. It went well.

I think the best part of my day was talking to my friend Charlene. She encouraged me so much. We talked about being grateful even during the losses. Loss of homes, cars, purses. Still being thankful. And I am. I recognize that I have a lot to be thankful for.

Before I forget, Uraeus made pancakes last night out of eggs and bananas only. They were so good. Michelle made potato pancakes and they were good too. It was my first time trying those also. I was full and pleased. I want to go into more about last night but I fear messing it up. We were celebrating the first day of Hanukkah. Michelle lit the candles and told us some of the story of Hanukkah. I enjoyed lessons and food.

Right now I'm tired. I have to get up early tomorrow so I'm going to try to get some sleep. I haven't been sleeping like I'm used to. Hopefully I'll talk to the doctor tomorrow about my pills. It's going on too many days without them.

Night all.

Love yourselves.

Uraeus. 21!

Uraeus is 21 now and somehow every time he laughs my whole world is brighter. Still.