Michelle's. Irritated. Sex trafficking.

Thursday, December 13, 2018 9:04pm. Los Angeles. Michelle's.

Uraeus and I got back about an hour ago. We had a good day together. We handled some business this morning then had lunch. I had to see the doctor and so he rode with me out there. I saw the missed appointment doctor and she was really nice. We talked briefly about my old doctor. She misses her too. She told me how the Lorazapam I'm taking could harm my memory in the long run and that I should consider going off of it. I don't know when I would do it because I seriously do not sleep well without it. I'm going to try though. She also told me how the other meds effect my weight. So true. I have GOT to exercise more. My weight is getting out of control. This is the heaviest I've been in life and I don't like it.

Speaking of things I don't like. I got hella irritated today. Uraeus was inside the market and I stayed in the car. I was scrolling on Facebook and kept coming across all these posts. One was about a group of white teens throwing stuff over the freeway ramp and onto cars. One of them threw a sandbag over and a 22 year old black man was killed. How much time in jail are the white boys going to do? Not a day! They are going to some kind of center for a short period of time but not jail. Our boys would have gotten life. Then another post where a teen was sentenced to 65 years for a murder he didn't commit. Like, he really didn't. Then another post and another and another all where some injustice has been committed. I was just overwhelmed. It was too much and I'm sick of this shit. It doesn't help that I'm still sick about the case of Cyntonia Brown. I saw today some black folks online talking about how she deserves to be in prison because she killed her rapist while he was sleep. What the fuck?! This girl was the victim of sex trafficking and was sold by a man named Kut Throat to a 43 year old man. She was only 16. 16! She did what she had to do to get free. Being black is amazing. But it is hard and dangerous to live in our bodies on most days. It just is. That's why I'm so big on posting things I'm grateful for. I know that the blessings I have aren't promised to me. I don't take for granted my safety and shelter and sanity.

But enough venting (for now). I've got a lot of emotions going on. I need to just go to bed. I finally have my meds. Thank God. I need to just take these pills and drift off into some perfect dream. Please let it be perfect. Let there be a puppy. Let me be smiling. Let there be green grass and a lake.

So I took a long break from this post because I heard Michelle coming in and I wanted to talk to her. We had a good conversation although I'm afraid I did most of the talking. But that feeling, that irritation, that yuck feeling is gone and I think I can rest. I'm also going to take my meds without taking my sleeping pill tonight. I'm going to try anyway.

My conversation with Michelle shifted my energy in such a mighty way. I am so thankful for her.

Anyway, I'm going to get these pills together and go to sleep. I'm so weak. I am going g to take my sleeping pill after all. I'll start weaning myself off next week. Hell, maybe that will be my new years resolution or something but for now, I need it.

Have a good night, y'all.

Love yourselves.