Morning. Mercury. Day.

9:24am. Palmdale. I went to bed with a headache and woke up with one too. I really hope this goes away soon. I hope it doesn't get to the point where I am throwing up. Headaches are awful. Other than that I'm mostly ok. I'm getting...tired mentally. I'm not sure what that means or how to go into more detail. Just...tired. I'm safe though. In a good place. My thoughts are racing though. Like my body is a house and fire is spreading throughout it. Maybe this is Mercury in retrograde doing its thing. I don't know. Also, I read an article about Ramsey Orta, the man who videotaped Eric Garner being killed by police. He has been harassed by police since the video released and is in jail now. It's so sad how he is being abused. I know how triggered I get and maybe that wasn't something I should have read so early. I'm so tired of us having to live like this. There is this place in my heart filled with so much hate. I can't make it go away. I don't know if I want it to go away. If it goes away maybe it will mean that I will be one of those people who refuses to look at the world and our situation, the situation black people live in every day. It's hard out here. It's fucking hard having to brace yourself before you go out the door because you don't know if today will be the day you get pulled over by the wrong cop. It's fucking stressful as hell not being able to send your child to the corner store not knowing if some racist fuck will say the wrong thing to him or her. It's reality though. Shit like this happens every day. It's too early for this shit. I hope to have a good day. I really do. I hope you have one too.

Love yourselves.