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Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:48pm

Just getting in. Fed Rock and now I'm going to try to get some rest. Maybe a good cooking show will put me to sleep. The clouds are back. I knew they would be. My neighbors are still setting off fireworks and that's not helping my anxiety. I'm tired. Not sleepy tired. But tired tired. I can't shake this...whatever this is. I mean, it goes away for a minute but then it's back again. Maybe I'll feel better after I cook and eat. I haven't cooked in days. Just been warming up food. I'm barely eating. Just don't have an appetite. I would like to cook something though. Maybe bake a cake or make some banana pudding. Something. Something to shake this. I thought after the wellness retreat last year I would be better. A bunch of positive affirmations and journaling. I could have done that here in my room and saved $75. Thank God for the discount. No way was I going to spend $250 to hear some guy talk. Vida thought it was a good idea though and once she has an idea she has to go forward. I do appreciate having her for a friend though. I can be myself with her and I don't have to put on some happy face. Fuck a happy face. Gonna take Rock to the bathroom before I fall asleep.