Shake

I'm in Inglewood tonight
Standing under a doorway with my son
During a 7.1 earthquake
The house would not stop shaking
The ground would not stop moving under our feet
I know God is real

I know the struggle
I know the hustle
I know the fight
I know prayer works
I keep a gratitude log every day
I am moved by the simple things
Like my son giving me a high five during hard times

I know what it is like to live in a motel
And only have money for two more days
I know my son and I were always together
We always had gas
Money came through
God came through

A friend said I talk about God too much
I don't know what too much is
I don't know another name to call
I know times got rough
I know food got low

I know God saved us from that life
I know I knew God would
When I couldn't write a poem
I could whisper a prayer
When I couldn't paint a picture
I could feel my heartbeat
I could feel my chest
Going up and down
Could count the short necessary breaths
It takes to survive
I know I can breathe deeply now

I know I am alive
I know my mind is right
Even without the meds
My doctor suggested I try electric shock therapy
He said it would only zap my brain a little
That was the last time I saw him

I know I love myself differently now
I know what God feels like in my bones
In my lungs
My fingers

An ex lover told me once as I was leaving
That I would never find someone to love me like he loved me
I know he was wrong
I know each day is new
I fall sometimes
I don't stay down

I know what it is like to want to take my own life
I know I am glad to be here

Now