Down. Pizza. Love.

I can't afford this feeling today. The thing about depression is that it will have me believing the negativity the depression tells me. One of the things it tells me is that I shouldn't reach out because nobody wants to hear about it. I know that's not true but I'm kind of believing it. One big trigger for me is working too much. I've been doing overnights and working too many days in a row. I always say yes to the work though because I need the money. I tell myself every time that I'm going to be all right. Sometimes I am. I'm feeling fucked up today though. I'm praying to get through it. I'm praying it will pass. I just did something I know is not good for me. I ordered a pizza. It will be here in 45 minutes. What happened to 30? Remember Domino's used to deliver within 30 minutes? Whatever. I'm not even that hungry. I just wanted some comfort food. It's not going to make me feel comfortable. I'm going to feel ugly and fat.

The other thing is that I'm not sleeping. My client has dementia and they don't live by normal daytime night time rules. They make their own. So he's wide awake from 11pm until like 4am. Then he goes to bed then up again at 7am. He's had breakfast and now he's ready to rest again. I should rest too, while he is.

I'm going to try to take a nap and tell myself all the positive stuff I know. Gonna pray like nobody's business. Gonna watch this Law & Order marathon while my client is resting. I hope I wake up feeling better. I hope you have a good day.

Love yourselves.