It's world suicide prevention day. Why I stay.

I stay for myself. Because I am not finished. Sometimes I am not reason enough. I stay for my son. Mostly my son. I stay because I am not a past tense. I am a now. I stay because I am afraid to leave. Because I want a better story for my son. Because there are more stories to tell. Because there are more books to write. More paintings to paint and sell. More sex to have. More hugs to give away. Because my nappy afro is not big enough yet. Because I am in a hotel room in LA and this is no place to die. To leave. To not be. Because my son has not finished his film. Because there is an apartment out there with my name on it. Because my poetry class just started. Because my students have books to write and publish. Because I have weight to lose. Because ain't nobody trying to die fat. Because I have not accused the ex of rape to his face. Yet. Because my license is still suspended. Because. Because. Because. Because all the reasons. Because swallowing the pills did not work. Because I need a pedicure. Because there is no. One. Reason.