Michelle's. Uraeus's suit. Teargas.

Monday, November 26, 2018 10:41pm. Los Angeles..

We're at Michelle's place still. It's been a blessing being here. Wonderful conversations, great food, just...blessing.

Tonight was CLI night and class went well. Tonight was the best class so far this term. Penelope is such a great teacher. She's better than I ever was. I can't believe I was her teacher once. I like being her assistant.

Today Uraeus and I got a few things done. We went downtown and got him a black suit with a white shirt and black shoes and socks. He's going to be one of the pallbearers for John's funeral on Wednesday. We also looked at a place. We weren't able to get inside but we could see pictures online. We will make an appointment for another day.

I was only on Facebook briefly yesterday and today but reading about the Mexican people being teargassed hurt me so much. I mean how awful must your home be that you would risk that for yourself and your children? Pretty damn bad. People just want a better life for themselves and their families. I couldn't read all of the articles. It was too heartbreaking. I pray for them though. Sincerely.

I called my doctor today to get another appointment with him. I'm out of Lorazapam and I can't sleep without it. I left a message with the doctor but today is his off day so hopefully he'll call me tomorrow. I haven't called my dentist yet. I need to quickly because chewing anything is uncomfortable with the filling missing from my back tooth. I got stuff going on y'all. But I'm hanging on. I am.

This morning I looked at Uraeus and said "We're gonna be alright." He said "I know. Don't you believe it? Because you sound like you're talking to yourself." And a part of me was talking to myself. I just needed to remind myself in his hearing that we are going to be OK. I'm thankful that were both healthy. Well, Uraeus has a cold tonight but I mean overall, we are healthy. We are safe. We have food and safe shelter. The car is running well. It needs an oil change but it's running well. We are living week to week and that's a little bit scary sometimes but we are making it.

I'm in the room ready for bed and so I'm not going to take my meds tonight. The main one I need I don't have so...I'll skip tonight and get back at it tomorrow. I'm not going off meds again. I've been thinking about joining another bipolar group. I'm not really opening up to my doctor the way I should and I think there should be somebody I am talking to. I'll find one in LA. I wish I could afford a therapist. I really miss Meredith, a therapist I once had. She was awesome. She moved and I could no longer afford to pay her. It's all gonna be alright.

Good night everyone.

Love yourselves.