Bobbie. San Diego. Prayers.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018 Long Beach. Sister's house.

I just got back from taking my aunt home to San Diego. My mother rode with me. It's 1:40am. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. It won't last long but that's how I feel. Today is Uraeus's 21st birthday and I can't afford to take him out. I've been dreaming about this day for years and now it's here and I barely have enough money for three days in a hotel. I know God provides. I know. I'm just in my feelings. I still don't have the money for the Airbnb stay. I know, God provides. I'm not depressed. I'm just...in my feelings.

I know I'm blessed though. Maybe I don't have anything material to give Uraeus today but I have all the love I have. Everything I have is for him. All the love in me. And he knows it. I pray he has a good day. I don't know what we or he will do but I pray it is something special.

He's sleeping right now on the couch in the living room. I rubbed his back and listened to him breathe a minute, gave thanks for his life and whispered happy birthday to him. I love him so much.

Please keep us in your prayers.

I'm about to take my meds and go to bed. I'm really too tired to dig my pills out of my bag but I'm afraid to miss a day because my mood has been so even lately and I don't want to mess that up. I have enough to be down about and I'm not going to give in to it. I have a lot to be thankful for also. I'm thankful that my son turned 21 today. I'm thankful for my friends and family. For food and shelter. I'm thankful for the peace in my head. I'm thankful for this time I have with my mother sharing a bed and stories with her right now as I type this entry. I am thankful for my meds. Thankful for Uraeus's job interview on Thursday. I am thankful for the peace in my head. I have a lot to be thankful for. Like the song says, "all of my good days outweigh my bad days." I know God as Provider. I know God is faithful.