10 questions from Jennifer Bowens (9 answers)

As a writing project for myself I asked a few people to send ten questions for me. The harder the better. Questions about me though, not me telling someone else's business. Anyone can participate. If you would like to, send ten questions to jahazainabu@gmail.com. These are questions from Jennifer. So far I have answered nine. The other answer is coming.

1. Do you believe in God?
2. Is reincarnation real, if so what is your desire for your next life?
3. How do you envision life at 90 years old?
4. Do you think you will ever get married?
5. Do you remember when we first met?
6. What is your most tender memory?
7. What do you think you cook very well? (And no, this is not a trick question.)
8. If you found out your best friends husband was fucking around would you tell her?
9. If you wrote a poem about me what would you say? (I'm just trying to get a dope ass poem about me.)
10. Who the fuck do you think you are?

1. Do you believe in God?

I one hundred percent, absolutely, positively believe in God. I believe God lives all around us. God is inside of us. God lives in me. I believe that God is everywhere. I dated a guy who told me that Someone Else was an atheist. When I asked why he felt that way he said "Because he doesn't believe that God is a man in heaven sitting in a chair." Maybe he thinks I am an atheist too. God is so so so real to me.

The God I love, worship and adore is big. Is genderless. Is all genders. Is ageless. Is timeless. I call God whatever I need in the moment. God is mother, father, friend, protector, guide, teacher, brother, sister, healer. People get attached to God being a man. God is so much bigger than being any one gender. When I refer to God sometimes I say he and sometimes she. Some people are bothered by she though. That's their business. I know God for myself and will call God what I choose.

I have been through too many storms in my life to not believe. There just wasn't any other explanation other than God brought me through. I could list a million five examples here but I won't. Yes. I believe in God.

2. Is reincarnation real, if so what is your desire for your next life?

I believe reincarnation is real. It's my belief, not something I try to convince others of though. To each her own. I believe all of our lives combined make one life. That we come to learn and teach lessons and sometimes it takes more than one form to learn or teach the lesson. I haven't always believed this and I don't know when I started. Many years ago though.

Years ago I had a very vivid dream of me as a girl, maybe twelve years old. I was in Hawaii and I had a big red ruby in my hand. I was swimming in the ocean and a grown man was chasing me. That man killed me. I was that girl but the girl wasn't the person I am now. She was an island girl with long straight hair. She wasn't me but she was me. The man was after the ruby and I protected it with my life. I have never been to Hawaii, or held a ruby, or swam that deep in any ocean. But to me, that was a memory and not a dream.

At a friend's home one time I had a past life reading. The guy didn't know anything about me and told me that in a past life I was a healer. I was well known and people would come to be healed by me. Mostly I healed people with leprosy. I can see that. It plays into my work now as a caregiver. I am called to do the work I do.

My desire for my next life though? I don't know. As a joke sometimes I say that I want to be a butterfly. That sounds good to me too. All except that caterpillar phase. I don't want to go through that. If I just be born a butterfly I might be down for that, otherwise...no. I don't think that's how it really works though. I don't know what I would want to be. Truthfully I hope I have lived enough lives and taught and learned enough lessons that I don't have to do this again. Maybe I could live the rest of my life as an angel or something. I'm kind of tired.

3. How do you envision life at 90 years old?

I don't. That's all I'll say about that.

4. Do you think you will ever get married?

Not again. I did that in my early twenties and I think I'm good. I think I might partner again but marriage no. Even the partnership I want is me having my own space. At this stage I could even do a long distance relationship. Someone to laugh and talk nasty to on the phone with every night before bed. Maybe meet up once a month and have good sex and dinner. I don't know.

The biggest reminder I have that I am single is when I travel. There is no one wondering if I made it. Made it there, made it home, made it to the hotel, made it to the gig. Made it period. Maybe that's weird because I have never really been big on checking in with anyone. But I always think about that when I travel.

A couple of things keep me from wanting to get married again. One is that the guy friends I have are so dope and give me what I want and need. I'm not sleeping with any of them though so I get what I need from them except that. But I do have very intimate moments with them. I've known them so long and so well and they know me too. They know my cycles of depression, anxiety, mania. They know when I'm good. They know how to make me laugh. They know that laughter is important to me. I told a guy I was dating once that laughter was as important as sex. He didn't think so. I knew we weren't going to make it. I could have almost dealt with the god awful sex but that we didn't really laugh together either was a deal breaker.

The other reason I don't want to get married again, and this is about to sound fucked up, but I don't want to be my husband's caregiver and I don't want him to be mine. Now, if I was married to a man I've known a long time, like we were high school friends or something and had like years and years together and then one of us got ill, I would stay in that. But I'm fifty years old now and I've always been attracted to men my age or older. I don't want to hook up with someone ten years from now and we're both seniors and are still getting to know each other and then BAM he needs me to take care of him and that's how I'm living out the rest of my few days and his grown ass kids come around taking shit when he die. I told you it was gonna sound fucked up.

5. Do you remember when we first met?

We met at Grambling. I don't remember where on campus but I remember you at Gram. You were in the theatre department with Erykah, Nikki and nim. You wore your hair short and fly. We became friends though here in L.A. when we worked together at The Gap in the Beverly Center. Our connection was cemented when we got close at The World Stage. I was like this mothafucka stuck with me! Then when I moved to the Jungle and you, me, Imani and Yuri were Jungle Flowers I was like, shiiiiiiit, we blood now.

6. What is your most tender memory?

I'm gonna read tender like sweet. Like good. Well, you're part of one of my tender memories. That night at Yuri's house when you were twisting Imani's locks and we were all drinking (at least I was drinking) and laughing. That night is so special to me because it was one of the few times I felt so...safe. Safe is boring. Felt so...free. So completely myself. I knew I could say, be, do anything and that I was surrounded by love. By real friends. Sometimes I'm with people and when I leave I'm all, did I say something weird? Do something strange? Drink too much? Cuss too much? Something. Always something. But with y'all that night there were no guards up. With any of us. And when we recast The Wiz with people we knew...my stomach still hurts from that laughter! That moment is so bittersweet because I don't remember us all being together after that. The next time even three of us were together was at Yuri's dad's funeral and much of that day is probably a blur to Yuri. Yeah, that's my tender memory. That one.

7. What do you think you cook very well? (And no, this is not a trick question.)

Well, I don't know where the crockpot has been all my life but since January I have been having the cooking time of my life. I have never liked to cook. I can clean all day but cooking...nah. My sister gave me a crockpot when I got my new place. I think about what I'm going to cook almost every day. That was never me. My favorite dish is a bunch of vegetables and potatoes, turkey sausages and a ganga seasonings with cornbread. I buy the cornbread already made from Vons though. I love it. I love that when I come home my apartment smells like a restaurant. I love eating something so good that I made. I love seeing Uraeus keep going back for more. He did tell me that he's tired or soup though but he does like it. I tried black eyed peas and rice but that didn't come out so well. It wasn't horrible horrible but it wasn't really good. We ate it though. That soup though, baby!

8. If you found out your best friends husband was fucking around would you tell her?

I really don't know. I've never been in that situation and I don't know what I'd do. I probably would say something to him first. Not that it would be any of my business but I might feel I had a right because he was my best friend's husband. Ummmm...ionknow.

10. Who the fuck do you think you are?

Only you. I love this one! I dated a guy whose favorite hobby was criticizing every gotdamn thing I did. Once he told me "You're not who you think you are!" I don't know where that even came from. We never had a discussion about who I thought I was and here he was telling me I wasn't that. Fuck him though.

Who do I think I am? I think I'm a lot. Sometimes I think I'm a little though too. I think I am pretty dope. I have overcome a lot. I have been through mad valleys. I have experienced really great things. I am someone God loves for sure. I think I am a child of God. I think I am powerful. I think I am a friend. A poet. I think I'm fun. I am becoming freer and freer everyday and realizing I am truly living my dream and not just getting closer to it.