Ballers. Mad. Money trouble.

11:28am. Long Beach.
I was up watching the series Ballers on Netflix last night. Finally I cut the tv off at about 6 this morning and went to my mother's bed to go to sleep. She's still in Palmdale. Actually she should be on her way back from Arizona taking my cousin to college. Anyway, I went to bed. Before I went to sleep I was feeling pretty fucked up. Depressed and silently angry. Mad about my life. Mad about my money. Mad about my job. Just mad. Then I had this dream. It was a weird dream, but then aren't most dreams weird? In the dream there was this apartment. A small apartment with two separate areas. The first area you walk into was a bunch of showers. Yes, a bunch of them, like seven. But the tubs weren't as tall as regular tubs. They only came up to maybe just past your ankle like a stand alone shower would. I still don't understand that part about all the tubs. But then there was this other room with all this old furniture. It blew my mind and changed my mood. There were these old broken mirrors with quotes on them. The quotes were probably from some regular person but because they were written down you would think they were from some famous philosopher or something. I wish I could remember the quotes because they made the difference in the dream. There were mirrors, old couches, shower curtains and other stuff and all of it had sayings on them. Damn, why can't I remember any of the words? But people were all clamoring to get whatever they could as long as it had the words on it. So was I. I ended up getting a mirror and a piece of art that was so big it looked like a mural but I could fold it and walk away with it.

Why was this so special? I don't really remember. It was a dream after all. But when I woke up I wasn't mad anymore. I was in this place of acceptance. Like, probably everybody feels shitty every now and then about something about their lives. There are millionaires having money trouble. There are people who aren't having money trouble but their children are strung out on drugs. There are people whose children and family members are missing or have died suddenly. Everybody has something. I woke up feeling not so special. That's what I needed. To feel like I'm not the only one going through shit. And truthfully I prefer my shit over many others.

I don't know. It was an interesting dream to me but maybe you had to be there. What's most important is that I feel better because I was headed down a depressive road and I don't have the time for that right now. I'm going to do my laundry and then get ready for work today. I only have one client today and it's my more challenging client. I'm going to pray and get my head right in order to go in there and do my job. I gotta get my phone turned on. It's been off since Sunday and today is Wednesday. I don't know what calls I'm missing. I'm not going to stress over that right now though. I'm just going to accept what is. I hope y'all do the same. Love yourselves.