Bipolar

There is this commercial where a woman is in a kitchen and the kitchen is at the top of a house of cards. She's making sandwiches. A fucking lot of sandwiches. And she's super busy making these sandwiches like her life depends on these sandwiches being made. All million of them. The commercial is an ad for a drug for people with bipolar 1, specifically the mania. Let me just say, whoever made that commercial KNOWS how it feels. I have never seen an ad so on point. That's how I feel during my manic stages. It feels like I can really fly. Like really. I feel like I can write a novel in a night. Paint enough pictures for a gallery showing in one night. Whatever. I can do it all in a night. There is no voice talking me down from that. That's what's so scary about mania. At least when I'm depressed there is a part of me that goes "yeah buuuutt..." and then I call someone or cry myself to sleep. But with mania there is no voice that says, "no bitch, you fucking can't fly now take your black ass to sleep." Instead of flying I usually type in this blog or post on Facebook or write in a journal. Sometimes I paint but I don't produce work I like later on. I forgot the name of that drug. I think it's Valprexal or something like that. I'm going to stick to writing a lot because I don't want to take one more pill.