Because

because life because love because these words in my head rolling around like river like water like flow and spiraling down and thinking about stuff just gets me down and there is so much stuff to think about like living and wanting to keep living and being too afraid to do anything else. because one minute I'm great and happy and up and thankful for thankful and the very next minute I am back to reality and I know shit is too much to handle and too much to hold and I feel like I will fall off of the roller coaster flying too fast and too many loop de loops and ups too high and downs too low and I am not high enough for this. I am too sober for this reality. found out a cousin is doing meth and another is living in his car and my heart breaks for both of them. and this is what I need right now. this quiet. this early morning stream of consciousness this tv this darkness this room. and the fish tank in the next room is soothing and I need soothing. I need comfort. don't read this. it's not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere with this I am just stuffed up with junk in my head and nowhere to put the words and stories and stuff.