What I write about

When people meet me and find out I am a poet
Sometimes they ask me to recite a poem for them
I usually refuse
But they want to leave with something
They ask me what I write about

I tell them I write about me
I write about being black and bipolar
About being a mother of a black man 6 feet tall with dark skin facial hair and locks
I write about being afraid
All the fucking time
I write about how many times I say his name in my prayers
How my prayers have become a superstition
How if I don't say his name his body will disappear

I write about being fat and unloved and I make them mean the same thing
One the result of the other
I write about being retired from love but secretly wanting a kiss on my thigh
My forehead, behind my ear, on my nose, in the palms of my hands

I write about hands
About elbows
About feet
And knees
And lotion

I write about depression
How I go days sometimes without a shower
How I swear the world is swallowing me up
How I threaten to kill myself as soon as I am caught up on the rent
I live in Los Angeles so I write about the rent

I write about being a woman
Being silenced
Being abused
About the rape
About the molestation
About how long and ashy his dick was
I write about being 4 and his long and ashy dick going in and out of my mouth like that
I write about the first dick I wanted inside me
And about the last one years ago

I write about the mania
And how it makes me want to fly
How I know I can fly
You wanna see me fly
Bet you I can jump off this bridge and land on the roof of a car and surf the freeway like a pro
What
You wanna see

I write about my friends
How we dedicate poems to each other to keep each other alive

I'm a caregiver so I write about old people
The ones who remember I am human and the ones who think I am their slave
Just here to clean false teeth and wipe shit

I am an artist so I write about stick figures in color
Girls double Dutching in the driveway
Boys playing baseball in the middle of the street
And all the faces look like me

I write about how there must be more to this world
There must be a better way to heal it
Because I'm a healer too
Yes, I'm a healer too
When I'm not thinking about escaping this world
I'm thinking of ways to make it spin a little easier
Some way fair for all of us

I write about dreams
How God and I have this one on one time by a lake
And even though I know it's a dream I'm like
Wow! I'm alone with God by the lake

So really I don't know
I write about a lot of things
It just depends on the day